Well it's amazing just how fast you can get uneasy, anxious and more than worried! For many years I have worked very hard on obeying the speed limit. It was a God thing and a possible story for another time.
Last night as we were driving into our little community I was put to the test. As I past through the gate I, as usual was being very cautious of my speed. Two reasons. One is the previous conviction I mentioned above and the second being that I am very much aware of the new patrol cars that have invaded our community. So......... I look at my speedometer to verify my 25 mile per hour speed and as I look up I see the police car coming from the opposite direction. He stops where I am going to turn. I at this time have no uneasy, anxious, worried or angry emotions in my body. Why? Because I have just checked my speed and I have done nothing else to be uneasy about. As I turn the corner along side Mr. Officer he follows me with his lights a blazing. What's up with this I ask myself and then outloud to Ann Marie and Tinkerbell? I pull over and wait his arrival all the while going from uneasy to anxious. Every time I repeated how I was innocent of any wrong doing I could feel the emotions growing to the next level. You might say I have some pride in being able to maintain my no ticket status because of being obedient to the law. As Mr. Officer arrives at the window he states that I was doing 30 in a 20 and further the tags on my car are expired. NOT GUILTY races through my mind. I in fact know that I was only doing 25 in a 25 zone. And I know as fact that I had put my new tab on just a short time ago. Again, I'm saying this to myself and then to Ann Marie and tinkerbell. By the way Tinkerbell is our dog. He does his thing and asks for my license, registration and insurance. I am doing my very best to not let a single one of these very strong emotions escape from my lips. I said as politely as I could, "30?" He said "yes 30." WRONG!!! That's not possible, he is exaggerating? As a secondary backup to being able to place blame I wondered if my speedometer could be off? After all I did just put on new tires and maybe something is off? The only control that I could muster up was over my lips. My mind was raging! I then say, "I am positive that I just put a new tag on recently." He says, "well it's not there." He then walks back to his car and I am left with waiting. Waiting......! Uneasy is an understatement! Anxious is a baby word at this point. Worried has turned into anger. But I am holding it all together. Only Ann Marie could probably tell through the tension that I was ready to go off on this guy. And this is so absolutely out of my character and nature. But it was real then and still stirs me up as I tell this. Anyway I have decided that I am going to ask to see the radar because.... well...... because basically I think Mr. Officer is a liar. A man who is on some kid of power trip. He's probably being punished for some kind of wrong doing on the job or he'd be out rounding up real criminals or even real speeders. He returns to the window and hands me back all my stuff and says, "I checked the registration and it is there for 2010 but the sticker is not on your vehicle." He then pours out instruction as to what I must do to fix the problem. Then he says, " I need you to slow down." I can not tell you how condescending those words sounded at that moment. These are fighting words. I was not speeding! I then pull myself together and said to Mr. Office, "I am positive I was only doing 25 in a 25." He says, "NO you were doing 30 in a 20!" NOT!!! Wait a minute. 30 in a 20? "Mr. Officer the speed limit here is 25." And I'm now thinking, have they changed the speed limit? He states that there is a LARGE sign ( I'm not kidding he said LARGE sign) stating the speed limit as 20 and that it is radar enforced. I paused long enough to realize that there was no ticket coming only the warnings of a power hungry officer. Okay I'll grant you that these are only my opinions of him based on the current circumstance. I decided that I would hold my tongue, swallow my pride and let him have his moment. It's obvious he needed it more than I did. Also I will be the bigger person and give him what he needs the most when he deserves it the least at great cost to me.
So there you have it. The whole truth and nothing but the truth according to my recollection. I spent the rest of the evening trying to take back my mind and emotions. As I was driving out this morning it all came rushing back and I did check for the LARGE sign. They did reduce the speed limit from 25 to 20 and sure enough there is a SMALL sign. I'm guessing that putting this into print will bring it to a close or so I hope.
Well you'll have to find your own application for this. My purpose is only to confess and try to get it behind me today!
I'm in awe of you Ed. Thats all I can possibly say. As much as the thoughts in your head speak loudly the actions spoke louder. That is clearly love. This is a process I know very well from being wrong or proven wrong often. It is all about being teachable enough to keep pride at bay.
ReplyDeleteOk, so I have to say that as I was reading this I had a complete visual of the whole thing (from your facial expressions to the tone in your voice) which caused me to read each sentence with nail-biting, "oh-no-he-didn't" fervor.
ReplyDeleteMore than likely I believe you will not be a huge fan of what I'm about to say, but I can't help but find the timing entertainingly perfect.
This morning I was reading 1 Peter 2, and this blog reminds me particularly of vs 13-24. As I was reading this entry, these words echoed in my mind, "Be submissive to every human institution and authority for the sake of the Lord...for it is God's will and intention that by doing right, your good and honest lives should silence the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons...Treat all men honorably, showing respect....(Submit to the not-so-kind of authority as well) For one is regarded favorably if, as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering. AFTER ALL, WHAT KIND OF GLORY IS THERE IN IT, IF WHEN YOU DO WRONG AND ARE PUNISHED FOR IT, YOU TAKE IT PATIENTLY? BUT IF YOU BEAR PATIENTLY WITH SUFFERING THAT RESULTS WHEN YOU DO RIGHT AND THAT IS UNDESERVED, IT IS ACCEPTABLE AND PLEASING TO GOD." (My perspective in this comment is that because you were unaware of the speed limit change, you are 'innocent' and were subject to the more than likely egoic response of Mr. Officer.)
Thanks for being You, Ed.
*Personally, I believe my application for this week will be:
1. pay attention to the details (the speed limit sign was small)
2. sit down with someone who I know I disagree with (about some point/issue/idea)(someone I don't generally enjoy building relationship with BECAUSE of the disagreement) (power hungry officer?) and genuinely listen to the thoughts/motives/attitudes behind the disagreement and genuinely respond in love (whatever that looks like)
3. ask God to bring to my attention someone in my life that I need to forgive and genuinely do it
I agree with Makeitcount, alot of times I only obeys the laws that I feel apply. Many of us only obey the speed limit when we know there is potential to get caught... but get us on that back country road with no cops, and a rickety old 50 mph sign and it might as well be the Indy 500. How often do we rationalize rules like the speed sign... or taxes or anything else for that matter. Is it theft if no one saw you take it? Somehow sin creeps in and we override our thought process that God is watching and is recording.. all the time and not because he wants to CATCH us... but because he loves watching us in general. This week I will also pay closer to my plant, this first week i've done pretty bad to say the least. But today it has a great day of sunshine and I will mist it in the morning. I think I'll lay down during a couple of fights this week as I normally win just about every conflict I get into simply due to persistance.. I will attempt to give in a little more regardless of position.
ReplyDeleteI wish that I could refrain from emotion, or rather control my emotions as easilly as you. I am one of those teary, snot-nosed, one sob away from an anxiety attack types when it comes to being pulled over. Mind you I've only been pulled over once and it was for going 15 miles over, which I totally deserved. However, I think my utter inability to even rationalize the situation and find my paperwork softened the heart of the officer. All I could do was to pull out every piece of paper from the glove box and shakingly go through bit by bit trying to read through the tears, then eventually coming up short with no registration in sight. I sobbed, "My husband always does this stuff...I don't know where it's at." My morning was pretty much wrecked from that point. I was an emotional mess. I can only imagine what it could have been like to just deal with the situation like you did, but I'm getting there slowly but surely.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of doing one application, but I think I'll do two, or a dual application. My first thought was to write down some of the areas in my life that I feel anxious or uneasy in and separate them into "I can's" and "God can's". Then working on the "I can's" and leaving the "God can's" in His hands. The second part of this being to write down the areas that I lose control of my emotions and the triggers and hurts from the past that may be causing it, or maybe the imaturities in emotions that I can work to correct.
I have a feeling this will be an emotionally straining week, but that's not necessarilly a bad thing.
After reading through this blog and what everyone else has written, I have thought and pondered what my application should be. Earlier this afternoon the Lord reminded me of Romans 13:1-7. It talks about submission to authorities in the land, b/c the Lord has appointed them. The other verse I was brought to was James 1:22-25, this talks about looking intently in the mirror and remembering what he saw. You holding your tongue was a way of remembering what not to do in the presence of an officer. I think that also ties in back to Matthew 6:28, consider the lilies and LEARN(pay attention) to how they grow. So in saying all that here is my applications:
ReplyDelete1. Acknowledge those who are in authority (Local and national government) and spiritual leaders. 2. Pay more attention at what is around me. What am I doing right and what I am doing wrong, and repent of my wrongdoings.
So my application came to me in a dream really...but just being able to say Ok without asking why? Or questioning authority when I am being disciplined. I really have issue with being able to just accept that I did something wrong and thats not love. Its also not obedience if you question every direction you are given. So this week or for the rest of my life really I want to be able to be ok with having a limited knowledge of why I am being told to do something. Ed, I am sure you will be able to test me all week.
ReplyDeleteOkay Hayley, Megan, Manny and Nickle may all have water TODAY. The rest have been blessed through other channels with water TODAY as well. As I have said in some comments, I really am looking forward to these every day. As I have no internet at home I can't wait to get to the cenbter to read them all. Thank You to everyone of you. And by the way... welcome a new plant owener to the group. His name is Billy and he is actually here by request. How about that! I am looking forward to your journaling as well.
ReplyDelete